A Lament during COVID-19: The Seed

PHOTO: @jlanzarini

PHOTO: @jlanzarini

When feelings cease and numbness overtakes. When fog descends obscuring the path, and a frigid mist dampens all joy, where does hope reside? I cry tears of weariness, a wail of despair. When will relief come? Will the sun break through again?

What once had form, definition, shape, now is as muted and blurred as the dawn blanketed in impermeable haze.

Is this a mere season? Seasons come and go – endless cycles. They lead nowhere. They simply are. Universal rhythm. Markers of time.

How can I tell if there is growth? If fruit is budding in me during this season?

I feel impartial, neutral, a mere bystander as time passes. Is there a thread that ties these endless seasons together? What is the purpose? Why am I here?

I’ve lost my way. So many voices. A deafening cacophony.

Shadows, mist, darkness, voices, confusion, isolation, dampness, chill. Can joy be found here?

Where are the clear lines, contrast, boundaries that define form and function? Where are the handles to hold; the walls and bars and doors?

What I once knew, I now question. Who I thought I was, I no longer recognize. I am shapeless, formless, disinterested, unsure, aimless. A weary traveler trying to find home.

Who is with me? The landscape has changed.

I search for the seed of faith. It’s tough to see in the dark. As small as it is, it could be lodged anywhere. I want to look for it. I want to care. I want to feel, again, to laugh and hope.

If I find the seed, will someone help me plant it? Will it grow again and bear fruit as the seasons cycle through? Will the sun shine once more? Will the numbness cease, mist clear, darkness cede and hope breathe anew?

You feel so far away. I believe. Help me in my unbelief.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
— Psalm 139:11-12

Written on 28 March 2020 by…

Ezer + Co. Coach - Tamara Carpenter


We’re with you in the lament of it all, and we believe we can anchor our hope for the future, no matter the circumstances. We also believe you can release your anxiety and lean into peace and trust.

Don’t merely “get through” this time. “When this is over” you can be more whole and integrated.

For a limited time, we’re offering 30-days of coaching and spiritual direction options at 75% off.

COACHING: Anchor Hope for the Future. Learn more about one-time, 1on1, and coaching group options and register HERE.

SPIRITUAL DIRECTION: Releasing Anxiety for Peace + Trust. Learn more about groups and register HERE.