The #1 Indicator of Your Success

I was taught both as a little girl and as a young leader that my emotions were liabilities, not assets. Emotions weren’t to be trusted, and they could easily disqualify me from having any amount of impact or influence. I learned to stuff, minimize, and ignore my emotions in favor of my mind.

Those lessons only reinforced my emotionally-repressed Enneagram 8 self that desperately wanted to change the world. I didn’t have time for emotions, until I was forced to deal with them.

 

Your Secret Superpower

As a high-capacity leader, holistic success isn’t only about hitting KPIs or scaling your influence—it’s about doing so without losing yourself. Research shows that your emotional intelligence (EI) is the #1 indicator of your success, far outweighing technical skills or IQ.

Why? Because your ability to understand, regulate, and harness your emotions impacts every decision, relationship, and opportunity in your leadership journey.

 

The Emotions Triangle Framework

On average, humans have over 400 emotional experiences daily. That’s a whole lot of feelings, but it goes to show the leader who is emotionally intelligent has a leading edge.

The Emotions Triangle gives you a helpful framework to process all those feelings.

At its three points are your thoughts, behaviors, and how your body experiences an event. At the center lie your emotions—dynamic, ever-present, and interconnected with every part of your life.

Instead of dismissing or judging your emotions, approach them without judgment. Judgment disconnects you from what emotions can teach you. Emotions are energy in motion. When you pause to understand them, you gain clarity, control, and compassion for yourself and others. As a leader, this process transforms your emotional reactions into intentional responses, cultivating the wholeness you crave.

 

Identify Your Emotions in Real-Time

Leadership often demands quick, high-stakes decisions, but ignoring your emotions can lead to burnout or regrettable actions. Who hasn’t hit “reply all” and quickly regretted that decision?

Instead, develop the muscle of identifying your emotions in real-time. Take a moment to pause, breathe, and ask, “What am I feeling right now?” By naming your emotions with specificity—”I feel betrayed” vs. “I’m pissed”—you create space to process them constructively.

Remember, emotions are data revealing what’s going on within. When you listen, you’ll get invaluable insights about your needs, beliefs, boundaries, triggers, values … and more!

 

The Emotions Triangle Activity

You can practice this right now. Reflect on a recent situation where you felt an intense emotion, like betrayal.

  • Identify the Emotion: Name what you felt (e.g., anger, rage, or disappointment).
  • Recall the Circumstances: What event or situation triggered this emotion? Reactivate your five senses.
  • Understand the Emotion: Consider the thoughts and behaviors tied to your reaction. Where and how did it feel in your body?

This simple yet powerful exercise builds emotional awareness and equips you to lead from your emotional intelligence not with your emotional reactions.

The next time someone tries to tell you that emotions are a liability, remember that they are your superpower.

 

My Five Favorite Resources

I’ve had to do a lot of work to cultivate my emotional intelligence. These are my Go-To’s to grow my EQ:

  1. Therapy: The healthiest leaders I know have spent significant time in a therapist’s office. They humbly go back as necessary, too, because life is tough and we often need help processing the pain.
  2. Atlas of the Heart: This book by my Patron Saint, Brené Brown isn’t only beautifully designed, it’s also helps with identifying “the places you go” when you feel one of the 87 most common emotions.
  3. Feelings Wheel: Print this out and put it on your refrigerator at home and white board at work. It’ll teach you, and everyone in your influence, how to name emotions beyond the core six.
  4. Journaling: While I don’t journal daily, I have a rhythm that helps me name emotional themes throughout the last month.
  5. How We Feel App: A fun app on your phone can notify you at different times to help you check-in with your emotions and identify why you may be feeling what you’re feeling.

 

Your Next Step

Now that you have more clarity on what emotional wholeness looks like, download our Emotional Guide: Overview & Pro Tips for specific next steps aligned with your goals that you can implement today.

If you want a full review of how you’re doing holistically in your life and leadership, purchase our proprietary 120-question Wholeness Assessment, and get personalized results and practical action steps to help you grow and reach your fullest potential.