One of the Most Difficult Questions You Must Answer

If we sat down for coffee and we talked about what’s going on, you can bet there’s one question I’d ask you. Ask my friends. 😉

I’ve also discovered this one question is one of the most difficult questions, especially for women, to answer. This is usually what happens after I ask this one question, in an automatic rapid-fire response sequence:

  • her face either lights up or looks confused like no one’s asked her that question in … EVER??
  • she shifts her body uncomfortably
  • she fumbles her words in a mixture of what she’s hoping/ wanting/longing for but quickly interjects why it’s not possible or doable
  • ultimately, she almost apologetically but definitely uncomfortably says “I don’t know”

What’s the one question?!?

Would that be your automatic rapid-fire response if I asked you that question on our coffee date? Or can you boldly, confidently, and clearly say what you want?

What you want matters.

I’m a Jesus believer (I’m okay if you’re not). One of the things I love most about Jesus is that this question, “What do you want?” is THE #1 QUESTION Jesus asked of people during his time on earth. 🤯 I find it preposterous that God-in-flesh cares what we want. Over and over again in the Scriptures Jesus asks people what it is they want from him. He takes the time to ask the question and wait for the answer.

If you could use a little help in this whole “wanting” situation, we gotchu, boo. 🫶🏾


  1. Take a deep breath and say out loud what you want for dinner. Or this weekend. Or for your birthday. Or to feel in your body.
  2. Reflect: what was the last thing I wanted and got?
  3. Name one thing you want before you fall asleep tonight.
  4. Close your eyes and ask yourself (or God), “What do I really want?” Wait for it. Whatever comes up, DO NOT DISMISS IT. Hold it like it’s the best gift you’ve been given.
  5. Write down at least 5 things you want. It can be anything from a new summer bathing suit to a day without anyone asking you for anything to clarity on a decision to … whatever!
  6. Ask yourself, if you could ask for exactly what you want and know you’d get it, what would you ask for?
  7. Look back on the last time you asked for what you wanted and how it was received.
  8. Pay attention to what makes you jealous in someone else. They may have what you want.
  9. Go Deep: In your heart of hearts, what’s that thing that you want so badly that it scares you?
  10. If you’re still stuck, ask yourself, “if I DID know, what would I want?!?”

The first step is naming what you want. In the next article, I’m going to share what you do when you name what you want.

One of the things I want most for women, especially, is an ease and a confidence to clearly say, “THIS IS WHAT I WANT!” And then get it. I’m 100% sure the world would be a more beautiful, whole place.

What do you want? Let’s pretend we’re on a coffee date. Drop us a message at I’d LOVE to hear – more than you know!