+ what I’m learning
Getting crazy sick on March 30th has been a test I didn’t sign up to take. It’s been 10 weeks since my body crashed and I’m nearly 100% again. 🙌🏾 This journey has been a masterclass for me on what we’re all about. I’d NEVER want to repeat these last couple months, and yet I’m so grateful for what it’s produced in me.
If you want the TL:DR medical version, here it is:
- I was diagnosed with long-Covid expressing as chronic fatigue syndrome and post-viral syndrome. There’s no real prognosis or treatment.
- I had 80+ blood tests performed. Most of them I requested because I didn’t want a bandaid treatment plan, I wanted to get to the core of what was happening within my body.
- I’ve lived in this body for 43+ years and I’ve finally learned to advocate for her to medical experts…and I was on the right track every time.
If you want the deeper, vulnerable human version, here’s what I’ve learned in each of the six wholeness dimensions:
Peace and fear were two sides of the same coin. I felt a deep trust and confidence that I would be ok, but I was really scared how long it could take. Maybe it’d feel different if I was a W2 employee, but it was REALLY scary to be the CEO of a small business and not to be able to work much for 2+ months. Feeling all the feels and allowing them to move through me has been of vital importance for my recovery.
Oof, mindset is everything. I fixed my mind on what I could control and surrendered what I couldn’t. I was adamant about practicing an abundance mindset. I repeated “this is happening FOR me, not TO me”. I think our battles are often won or lost in our mind and this battle was a tough one, especially when I was confronted with the possibility of a debilitating, lifelong illness.
Having a sisterhood and partners when you’re in a tough place is beyond life-saving. You can’t build a team when you actually need them to show up for you. There are too many people to name, but they literally showed up for me and my family with money, food, doctor connections, house-cleaning, wholeness check-in calls and texts, tearful sidewalk convos, and innumerable prayers. I felt carried and covered in every way. We need each other.
It’s been said the measure of a great human is the degree of their surrender. There were many sobbing pleas to God to heal my body, but even more tears releasing my fears, control, and pain. Dallas Willard also said, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is sleep.” I may be a Saint now. 😜 But for real, when I literally couldn’t do anything but sleep and watch Gilmore Girls, it was a spiritual practice to trust that God’s got me. I would literally say, “God will you work on my behalf even when I cannot work? Would you provide for what we need since I cannot?” Not a spoiler: God did it.
Rest and recovery are core practices in this dimension and I aced this test. For 20 years I’ve been training myself in this dimension because it does NOT come naturally as an Enneagram 8. While there were days when I didn’t think I could lay in bed one more minute, there was a gratitude that I could relax into what would bring renewal.
Phew that was a lot. Our social media focus during May was “May It Be So”. It was a series of questions and thoughts I was leaning into while I was sick. If you’re in a tough season, go back and check out those posts. They’ll serve you well as you walk your own wholeness pathway.
If you need to engage your wholeness journey differently, you need to be in our Warrior Women membership community or sign up for our Warrior Woman coaching group waitlist. You aren’t meant to do life alone and we can help you make the journey lighter and easier.